God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize