I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
