Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
