I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
