I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
