i think my tv is drunk
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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