Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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