i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
