just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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