if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
