If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
