i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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