I want to make a zoo with you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
