is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
