When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
