she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
