I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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