4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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