Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
