Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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