why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
