Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Boobs are out for the taking
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
