I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
