I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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