ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
