I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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