Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
