Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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