I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You pole danced in your parka.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
