now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
