When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
