his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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