I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
