My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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