also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're like the curious george of whores
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
