i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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