Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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