hotel room ftw
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
