How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
