What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
