nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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