Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
