Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
