I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
