Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
