I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
