we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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