I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
