im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't turn off my feet"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
