A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
