that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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