I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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