why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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