i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
