i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
