Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
