garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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