she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
