Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
