Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont even know how to be here
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
