My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
