i think my tv is drunk
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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