Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
